Broken Fairytale Read online

  “You okay Iz?” he smiles at me stroking my face with his fingers.

  “Mmm…” I can’t speak, I’m scared I’m going to blurt out something stupid that I might regret later. This is how huge this moment feels to me.

  “You know… you smell like cookies and sunshine Izzy, it’s addictive,” he whispers against my skin.

  “You know…” I say smiling at him, surprised by the fierce look in his eyes. “I’m not sure how I feel about being compared to a cookie.”

  “Oh well cookies are my weakness so it’s good Izzy…real good,” he says before he starts to kiss me. Bloody hell I’ll say it again, this man can kiss, I feel him all over me and I need and want more. Declan suddenly moves me to the side after a brief kiss and gets off the bed. I shiver at the sudden loss of warmth.

  “I’ll be right back, do you want a glass of water or anything?” he asks me.

  “I’m okay thanks,” I reply, burrowing under the duvet wondering what will happen now. I look at him pulling on his boxers and can’t believe that he’s mine, or rather was mine tonight. Who knows if this’ll go anywhere, Aiden did warn me, so I know there are no certainties. Why should I be any different, I’m nothing special really. And my dramas are not something anyone in their right mind would want to take on. Suddenly I freeze, thank God the lights are off, he couldn’t have seen them, could he? He never mentioned that he felt anything. There’s no way I want to explain why I have scars that shape…like that. I quickly pull my night dress back on and slip to the bathroom to wash up.

  When I come back into my bedroom Declan’s lying in my bed, he has his arms behind his head and is staring up at the ceiling. I lose a breath, he’s gorgeous absolutely mouth-wateringly gorgeous. I feel all hot and tingly again just from looking at him. He smiles at me all crookedly having caught me obviously.

  “You look as if you want to eat me Izzy, why don’t you get your arse over here and have a taste?” he cheekily asks, crooking his finger at me.

  I feel myself blushing and giggle like an idiot as I get in next to him. He moves me so I’m on top of him and tucks some of my hair behind my ear.

  “Izzy sweetheart you drive me bloody crazy. I don’t know what’s happening here and I certainly can’t deny who I am, but fuck…I want to give us a try.” As if frustrated, he pushes his hand through his hair and goes quiet. To be honest even though I know this may break my heart I know it’s what I want and need too. I lean down and put my head on his chest while he wraps me in his arms. I feel tiny, well I know I’m pretty small but this, this makes me feel safe and protected. I don’t know where I belong, but right now that makes me the lucky one considering where I started. We lie together in complete silence; I can hear his breathing slowing down and looking up at him I know he’s fallen asleep so I try to do the same.

  Chapter Seven

  When I wake up, Declan’s gone. I have a sudden moment of panic when I realise I’m on my own thinking up one conspiracy theory after the next. Why did he leave me, did he regret what we did? Serious to the banal thoughts run through my head, I wonder, did I snore, dribble or worse… talk rubbish in my sleep? The one thing I do know though, is that for the first time in a very long time, the nightmares didn’t come and consume my dreams. I’ve actually woken up feeling great. I can still smell Declan in my bed and I’m reluctant to get out, instead, I want to stay and get lost in the replay of last night in my head. Bloody hell, listen to me. I check the time and realise I still have another hour before I have to get up so I stretch to get comfortable and somehow manage to fall asleep again.

  My alarm wakes me back up in plenty of time but I get so lost in my thoughts as I’m getting ready that I’ve made myself late. As it turns out I’m not the only one running late this morning when I meet Aiden at the bus stop. He smiles at me but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s worried and not happy about something, that much is obvious and I’m pretty sure I know why.

  “How’s my Izzy girl doing today?” he asks me giving me a hug.

  “I’m good Aiden, and listen please don’t worry…I’m walking into this with my eyes wide open okay.” I let him go and grab his hand squeezing it to reassure him.

  “I know love, but I’ve also known Dec like forever and I know what he’s capable of or even incapable of...”

  I interrupt him stopping him from saying any more. “I know Aiden….to be honest I’ve no idea what we are or ‘where’ we are together but I like what we could be, if that makes any sense?”

  “Well if you need someone to take him down a peg or two for anything go ask Max, not me, ‘cause he’d knock me out with one punch. I’m pretty sure Max would at least get one in before Declan went down,” he winks at me flexing his muscle.

  I burst out laughing and link my arm with his as we get on the bus. We both share a lecture today, which I love and whilst in class we revert to childhood days of passing silly notes. Just before the bell rings I receive a note that says:

  ‘Fancy going down the pub and getting pissed? It’ll be after 12 by the time we get into town, put a cross in either the yes or no box.’

  I tick yes and slide the note back. Aiden reads it and looks at me with a massive smile and gives me the thumbs up. Childish? Yes, but I bloody love it!

  We pack up our stuff and start walking to catch the bus when I see Declan talking to a girl by the Uni bar. I’m pretty sure it’s the girl from the other night, I recognize her voice. His back is turned to me so he can’t see me, which makes me feel less bad for staring. It looks as if they’re arguing about something. She turns her face away from him in anger and his hand turns her face back so she can’t help but look at him. Although they’re arguing, it looks intimate, way too intimate. Like they know each other completely inside out and feel comfortable in each other’s space. I look at Aiden who’s looking at them as well, a frown on his face.

  “Who is she Aiden?” I ask him, trying to catch his eyes so I don’t miss the truth.

  “Lina….She’s been on and off with Dec for the last two years. They get together and everything is good then it all blows up in spectacular fashion and they split up. Then they’ll get together again in an equally intense way. I’d go crazy if I tried to explain their relationship to you Iz, but I do know, and they know too, that they’re no good for each other. Lina’s a childhood friend, she was part of our gang growing up,” he answers looking back at me; away from the scene in front of us.

  I feel a bit sick as I watch Declan pulling Lina into his arms. I look back at Aiden and try to seem unaffected. Well I say try, I’m pretty sure he reads me perfectly clear.

  ”Pint?” I ask him as if that will solve everything.

  ”Pint!” he replies and takes my hand as we start walking off down the road.

  It’s started raining...not a soft drizzle but the hard pounding rain that hurts when it hits your face. Aiden and I are soaked by the time we get to the pub. We order our pints and miraculously find a table in the corner by the fire place. At least we’ll dry out quickly sitting here, as the bar staff have stoked the fire.

  I ask Aiden about his childhood as I have this perverse need to hear how people grew up. Waiting for the day I find someone who experienced what I did, I guess to make me feel like less of a freak and to convince me that I’m not the only one who’s had to grow up living as an actress in her own family show.

  “I grew up in a tiny village just outside of London. Everyone knew everybody and their business, which made it hard at times. Declan and Finn started at the same school as me a few years in; they were transferred over when their parents moved. Finn started hanging out with Max and Declan and I hit it off straight away,” he pauses to finish his pint.

  “What was your family like?” I ask him, hanging off his every word.

  “Dad was a copper and Mum stayed at home. I think Dad’s the reason I got into criminal psychology really. Whenever we used to role play as kids, I always chose to be the Old Bill,” he laughs at his memories and I feel the love c
oming off him in waves. He tells me stories about pranks him and Declan used to get up to as kids. They were a right pair. This makes me miss Sofia even more. I had loads of friends growing up but only one best friend. Sofia’s the only one I let in, the others I kept at a distance which made them drop off along the way. In the end most of them thought me aloof and not worth the effort. That was fine by me, I had Sofia. Besides, I found it tiring having to keep making up excuses and hiding the bruises. You can’t deny who you are. Somewhere the truth slips out.

  ‘Set Fire to the Rain’ by Adele starts playing, shit, as if this day couldn’t get any worse. Don’t get me wrong I adore Adele, love her, she truly is beautiful, but she makes me cry, she makes me feel. She reminds me that, at times, I think I’m addicted to my own sadness. I look over at Aiden who seems really busy with his phone all of a sudden, despite me being worried he’s caught me getting lost in my own thoughts. I compose myself and walk up to the bar to get us some more drinks. It’s getting busy in here so I have to squeeze in between two lads, one of them moves sideways and lets me in by putting his arm around me. I nod at him in thanks and decide on not only getting two more pints but a couple of chasers for each of us. I try and shout my order to the barman over the noise and punters but not only am I a short arse, I also can’t shout. Everyone laughs at me when I try to shout, they call it the girlie squeak. The guy next to me, who on closer inspection is gorgeous starts laughing. “I think that’s the cutest thing I’ve heard in ages, you’ve got no chance love, let me get your order in for you.”

  I smile and tell him what I want and he shouts the order out. I can’t help but stare at him while I blush, I can feel it. Yes I know how that makes me sound, I know for sure that my heart wants Declan, even though I’ve only known him for a short time, when you know, you just know right? However, this guy is so attractive. Yes I’m pretty sure I’m blushing now because I can feel my face is on fire as he catches me staring.

  “You’re adorable,” he whispers as he leans down. The bartender puts the order on a tray for me; I pay for it and look up at my saviour.

  “Thank you, you’re quite a handy bar prop and I’m forever in your debt, especially if you’re a repeat performer,” I say winking at him.

  “Ah, so you’re not only adorable you’re also cheeky, an intriguing combination.” He bows dramatically in front of me. “You’re very welcome and next time I see you I’m going to have to insist on having a drink with you,” he says smiling at me.

  Suddenly my feet become a very interesting diversion because I can’t look at him. My bravado lasted about three minutes, but who’s counting. He stops talking for a second then leans down and says, “I’m guessing that guy over there is going to come have a go in a minute the way he’s burning a hole in me with his eyes.”

  I look around and sure enough Aiden doesn’t look happy. “That’s okay,” I say. “He’s just a mate and very protective.” I pick up the tray of drinks wanting to get back to Aiden. “See ya,” I shout back at bar guy, making him laugh. As I’m walking back to the table I mentally kick myself for not asking him for his name. I’ve no idea why I have this need to know, maybe it’s because I don’t actually know what’s happening with me and Declan. Especially after the Lina scene. I’m so confused.

  “Do you know that guy Izzy?” Aiden asks me as I get back to our table. He keeps staring at him not breaking eye contact.

  “Nah, he just helped me get the drinks in, I got us a couple of shots each and another pint,” I say as I place the drinks on the table. These drinks are going to my head way too quickly, damn I must remember to eat more than breakfast every day. While I’m talking drunken shite, Aiden’s phone keeps going off.

  “Who keeps texting you? Whoever it is sure is persistent,” I ask him with concern. I just have a bad feeling but I can’t explain it.

  “It’s Declan, nothing important just checking where we are and stuff,” he says trying to dismiss it. Now I know I’m in that happy tipsy place but I can’t help but think Aiden’s hiding something here. As we finish off our pints and shots, I have this sudden urge to leave the pub and am getting really fidgety.

  “Hey let’s have another one for the road,” Aiden says sounding almost panicky as he rests his hand on my bouncing leg.

  “Nah, I’m done, can’t you hear the drunken lisp is getting more pronounced, than it was one shot ago?” I say, getting more worried by the second here. I stand up and start walking out of the pub trying to shake off this weird feeling I have. It almost feels as if something’s going on that may break me and I know without a doubt it’s about Declan. I can hear Aiden trying to catch up with me, his fast footsteps coming up behind me.

  “Hang on up Izzy,” he pants, taking my hand as I start walking faster. As we get closer to the house it’s as if Aiden doesn’t want me to go in, I think I know what’s going on, so fuelled by anger, fear and tequila, I storm into the house checking all the rooms as I go. My palms start to sweat and I feel that ice cold fear on the back of my neck. When I get to the top floor, there’s only the attic room left to check. I take the steps two at a time and burst through the bedroom door. I stop abruptly, still in shock at what I see. Declan’s sitting on the floor with Lina sprawled across his lap. Besides wearing jeans, he’s stripped of any other piece of clothing and crazily my first thought is of how utterly fucking gorgeous he is. Every one of his black tattoos on his olive skin emphasizes muscle. Lina’s got all her clothes on, but seeing as she doesn’t really wear much to begin with, except for a tiny skirt and tank top, that isn’t really saying much. Declan has the decency to look away embarrassed when he sees me, Lina on the other hand meets my eyes with a smirk on her face….what a bitch. My face must be a real picture…disbelief, despair and realisation playing across it. Aiden grabs my arm.

  “Come on Izzy let’s go downstairs…Declan I’ll talk to you later.” Aiden sounds pissed off as he drags me out of Declan’s bedroom.

  Funnily enough I don’t cry, shout or show any emotional outburst at all. I feel numb. I think I knew all along I was way out of Declan’s league and I stupidly gave him a small piece of my heart. I gave him some of me. He didn’t know this though, to him I was probably more like some kind of step off his usual much travelled beaten track. His ‘Izzy detour’ obviously didn’t offer him much so he returned to what he knew best. In his defence, and I can’t believe I’m admitting to this, we never defined ourselves. I think women don’t need the spoken confirmation; we take a situation and define it with actions. Guys; perhaps not so much. Unless the word relationship is spoken out loud it could be anything. Then again, maybe I’m generalising, maybe this only refers to blokes like Declan. Who knows? I think I’m trying to rationalise what I just saw in Declan’s bedroom and cutting off any emotional reaction in the process. I actually feel numb and my eyes can’t focus on anything. Aiden pours me a glass of water and I down it in one, holding my glass out signalling at the half empty wine bottle on the kitchen table.

  “I’m fine Aiden, don’t look at me with those sad puppy eyes, Declan and I…we don’t make sense, we’re two completely different people.” I refuse to let this hurt me. I have enough of that already inside me to last a lifetime.

  “I’m not so sure about that Izzy, I think you’re too similar, that’s the problem here. You’re both running from something in your past. I know what Declan’s running from and unfortunately his avoidance tactic is what’s destroying his relationships but he doesn’t know how to stop. I was hoping you were the one, I still think you are, but he’ll no doubt do too much damage and ruin what he’s got with you.” He shakes his head in frustration as he tops up our glasses.

  I have no clue what Aiden’s going on about, I never got the chance to dig too deep into what makes Declan who he is or his past for that matter. Thinking about it, what do I really know about him? Besides the fact that he makes me revert to a puddle on the floor with his looks, he makes me laugh…he’s funny in that sarcastic way that I love. So that asi
de, is Declan, ‘the man’ I know. Well besides studying Humanities, his true love is everything music related and if he was any more laid back, he’d be lying down. I actually laugh out loud, how the hell could I possibly think that just because we slept together once, this means I know him and we were starting something. What does that make me, other than incredibly presumptuous and naïve? I’ve done the same thing in the past, but not this time. This time it’s different. Aiden’s looking at me like I’m crazy with a worried look on his face.

  “You’ve gone somewhere hun, talk to me Izzy,” he says reaching over to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

  “You know what Aiden, this thing with Declan, I can’t live like that….live in this way. I’m screwed up enough as it is without the doubt and the fact that he’s oblivious to what I’ve given him. I’m better than that, I have to believe that I am, otherwise, I’m back onto the path of self-destruction again. This is good…yeah what happened here is good, it really is,” I say, as if to convince us both.

  “Whatever you say Izzy, but I really do think he wants and needs you…the thing is, that in it-self, is probably what’s scaring the shit out of him.” He leans over to give me a hug.

  I hug him back and reach up to whisper in his ear, “I don’t believe in much but I do believe in you and I thank whoever or whatever orchestrated our collision that day, I really do.” I sneak a quick kiss in and run upstairs to my room. I get ready for bed and crawl under the covers, again curling myself into a ball trying to make myself as small as I feel right now. Always the same, this is what I’ve always done.

  I wake up with a start and it’s dark. Something heavy is lying across me. I look down and wonder if I’m dreaming. Declan’s in my bed, his head on my chest with an arm across my stomach. What the hell’s he doing in here and like this? I’m so tempted to shove him off me, but instead I start stroking his hair. I have no idea whether he’s awake or asleep until I hear him speak, startling the shit out of me.